ADVERTISEMENT

OT: off season funnies

BackinBlack86

Top 100 Prospect
Oct 5, 2018
10,957
3,805
113
My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEAR CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many dears are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....haha
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Ikeyfbst2
This is a true story. Probably only you older guys will get it. I used to work for New York City Transit and one day I was working on a turnstile when this well dressed and obviously well to do lady of about 60 asked me the following question "Can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?" As the wry smile came across my face, she had realized her mistake.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BackinBlack86
This is a true story. Probably only you older guys will get it. I used to work for New York City Transit and one day I was working on a turnstile when this well dressed and obviously well to do lady of about 60 asked me the following question "Can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?" As the wry smile came across my face, she had realized her mistake.
Working years ago as an asst restaurant manager on the NJ turnpike had an irate guest come up to me and stated when he asked the young server where the condiments were she gave him a disdainful look and said 'Well sir, I don't know but if I had to take a guess I would say they're in the mens room." After picking up the check I got a confirmation of the story from the server. For one of the very few times in my life I was speechless, had a female mgr set her straight. You can't make this stuff up.
 
And they want to pour billions more into public education. I don't think there is enough money in the world.
 
As rider will attest, I can get a real dark tan with enough exposure to the sun.

Here's the story. I am campaigning for Congressman Tom Evans' re-election in the late 70's in Laurel passing out literature.

An old country girl (probably in her 80's) looks at me and says:
Son, how are you mixed? (meaning what is my ethnicity.)

I said M'am, I am Italian, Irish and German.

She replies: How can you be 3 things when you only have 2 parents?
 
65372644_2365233520400789_330064135003832320_n.jpg
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ikeyfbst2
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT